Random Stuff that Happens
by DarkeFlame
Summary: This is a story of four boys, who live in a large village called Konoha...and that's where the normalcy ends. WARNINGS: shonen-ai, crack, OOC, lack of setting, randomness, extremely long and some M-preg later, but we won't get to that until around chap 10
1. Gaara really sucks at insults!

**Hey ppl. Me and my friend decided to do a co-authored fic together because we have nothing better to do in History. Really, all we do is watch youtube. So, since Naruto is her fav anime, and I know a bit about it, we decided to write this. If you want an official summary, this is a study of teenagers and how certain people react to…situations. But this is really just crack/insanity. Note, this is for a more mature audience, since we say everything other than what **_**actually**_** happens. Also, my friend and I have only watched a total of 5 episodes…so OOC-ness is expected. In fact, this is probably one of the most OOC fics you'll ever read. I don't own anything, but I do have a Gaara plushie =) !**

Gaara:...you emo...bitch...thing

Sasuke: That's the best you can do?

Gaara: Yes *looks down in shame*

Sasuke: Sad. Very Sad.

Gaara: Shut up! Just shut up! It's not like you could do any better!

Sasuke: Actually, I can you Lee-loving, gay a**, eyebrow less crybaby.

Gaara: So? You like Naruto...and your just insulting yourself. You cry in your emo corner all the time!

Sasuke: How do you kn- I...uh...mean...uh...

Gaara: Oh, everyone heard you. "Oh Naruto...please...more...not the whip NOT THE WHIP!" You'd be surprised how many were injured by Ino and Sakura... and blood loss from nosebleeds *coughKibacough*

Sasuke:*red* That's a lie! We never used a whip!

Gaara: Then why did I find this in your closet *holds up whip*

Sasuke: Why did Lee come into your house carrying chains and leave wearing a collar? And why were you in my closet?

Gaara: Where do you think I got the collar from?

Sasuke: You're the one who took my collar!

Gaara: And you stole my kitty ears!

Sasuke: GaaLee is worse than NaruSasu!

Gaara: So you do uke!

Sasuke: Only half the time!

Gaara: What, Naruto to hard for you to beat?

Sasuke: I hear you yelling more than Lee when I walked past your house. I think you need to soundproof your walls.

Gaara: And you need to soundproof the school, the headquarters, the mission rooms, the forest...

Sasuke: For you?

Gaara: You wish, don't you?

Sasuke: I...uh...well...

Gaara: I knew it! You are stalking me!

Sasuke: Where did that come from? It's totally off topic! If anyone is a stalker, it's you! How would you even know about the forest! It's too big for anyone to tell from the outside!

Gaara: So you do use the forest! And some people actually use the training grounds for what it was intended for.

Sasuke: Naruto said it was away from the training grounds. Damn it. I knew I shouldn't have listened to him.

Gaara: So I was right! I was faking to see if you were lying or not! HAH!

Sasuke: So I'm not the only one that fakes.

Gaara: Having suspicions about your boyfriend? Well, you can try staying faithful, but with Sakura, Ino, Itachi, and Neji...

Sasuke: What about you with Ten-Ten, Hinata, your brother Kankuro, and your sister Temari, and Shikamaru?

Gaara: Oh, you'd like to think I've been sleeping with my sister, wouldn't you? You know, incest is considered illegal, immoral, and wrong.

Sasuke: Okay. You're not sleeping with Temari. But you're not denying that you're sleeping with your brother. Besides, you don't care if something illegal, immoral, or wrong.

Gaara: Hey! That was a long time ago! Once!

Sasuke: Awww. Poor you. You didn't enjoy it enough. Or are you doing your best to resist all the temptations. Or maybe Kankuro didn't enjoy it enough.

Gaara: No. Kankuro sucked. And he has a creepy puppet fetish. Not my type at all.

Sasuke: So he was controlling you. You were the uke.

Gaara: No, He liked being controlled. He called me master.

Sasuke: Then why are you turning red? And avoiding eye contact?

Gaara: I was twelve! I didn't know what he was doing!

Sasuke: You started at a young age.

Gaara: Yes, yes I did.

Sasuke: You want to kiss me, don't you?

Gaara: Yes, yes I do.

Sasuke. Then do it.

Gaara: Fine. *tackles Sasuke, starts making out with him*

Sasuke: Gaara, too much!

Gaara: What, too fast for you? No wonder you like Naruto then, he always was a little on the slow side.

Lee: Gaara! What are you doing!

Gaara: Making out with Sasuke.

Lee: Why? Am I not good enough?

Gaara: Yes. After the no-sex rule, things went downhill from there.

Sasuke: A no-sex rule? Honestly?

Lee: It was umm... because I...

Gaara: He kept getting mad because he couldn't train 'cause his ass hurt too bad.

Lee: Actually, you made the no-sex rule because you didn't want to be the uke.

Gaara: Only because you kept complaining about the whip marks.

Sasuke: Whip marks?

Gaara: Uhhh... I forgot you were here. Go away!

Sasuke: You'll have to get off me first.

Gaara: I don't think I will. You're very comfortable to lay on.

Lee: *eye twitch*

Sasuke: I don't know if I should be happy or scared.

Gaara: Be happy bishies like me like to sit on you, be sad stalkers like Sakura like sitting on you.

Lee: And be happy I'm not strong enough to kill you.

Gaara: Would you lift the no-sex rule if I called you a bishi?

Lee: Will you be the uke for once?

Sasuke:*sigh* *slams head on ground*

Gaara: Fine.

Lee: Now get off Sasuke!

Gaara: But he's so comfy! Really, get over here! *pats Sasuke's stomach invitingly*

Sasuke: NO! IF YOU TOUCH ME, I WILL KILL YOU!

Gaara: Ignore him. He can't do anything if I hit this *Sasuke goes limp* pressure point.

Lee: I'm still not sitting on him.

Gaara: Why not?

Lee: Uh...

Naruto: No! Sas-uke! Why! Why did you kill him! I'll kill you! *tries hitting Gaara*

Lee: *tackles Naruto* He's mine. You won't hurt him.

Sasuke: *drools all over Gaara's hand*

Gaara: Ewww! Drool! Get it off get it off GET IT OFF!

Lee: I'm sorry, I won't touch drool.

Gaara: *starts crying*

Naruto: Wow, real man. Crying over drool.

Lee: Do you want me to take you home?

Gaara: *tackles Lee, still bawling* Waah! I want my mommy!

Lee: You know you don't have a mommy, right?

Gaara: Yes I do! I do have a mommy!

Naruto: Who, your mom is dead!

Lee: Don't say the d-word!

Gaara: Her **name** is Mrs. Fluffy-kins.

Lee: You might not want to say that out loud.

Gaara: *innocent puppy dog eyes* Why?

Lee: We're in public. People can hear you.

Gaara: *evil, creepy, scary voice* Let them hear. They'll die soon anyways. *creepy smile*

Naruto: Is he on medication for his 'issues'?

Lee: Sometimes he forgets to take it.

Gaara: That stuff is EVIL! It will mutate into bunnies and take over my brain!

Sasuke: *half-awake* Bunnies are fun.

Gaara: Bunnies are evil! Like girl scouts! They steal your soul and put them in the cookies!

Lee: I really think I should take you home.

Gaara: Yaaay, ice cream!

Lee: Okay.. *starts dragging Gaara home*

Naruto: Sooo...they're gone. We're alone. Finally...

**Now, I'm probably gonna end every chappie with an implied scene. We've got over 40 pages written out in my notebook, so whenever I get off my lazy butt and type it up, you'll get a new chapter. We try to write every day, sometimes over the internet on the weekends, so you should get a good amount of reading with this. A little tip, it might have taken me 3 days to type this up, but reviews=love=happiness=a typing mood. So review. Please? I have interweb cookies!**


	2. Drool and lemony goodness!

**I'm back! So… no one reviewed TT_TT I know it's not very good, but please! Even if it was just 'meh', you can still put that! Now, I'm putting this up a little later than I originally planned (only 2 days late! For me, that's a record!) but since no one's being a good little minion and reviewing, they deserve it. Anywhoo…I don't own. But I'm working on it! You should be scared. Very scared…**

Sasuke: *wakes up* What happened to me? And why am I covered in drool?

Naruto: *rolls over, is naked*

Sasuke: Okay… now I don't want to know.

Naruto: Mmm…ponies…

Sasuke: I should probably leave now.

Naruto: *licks Sasuke's shoulder* Lemony goodness.

Sasuke: *licks shoulder* I don't taste like lemon.

Naruto: *wakes up* Oh. Hi Sasuke! When did you get here?

Sasuke: I have no idea. That last thing I remember, I was making out with Gaara.

Naruto: You were making out with Gaara? Why are you unfaithful? Am I not good enough? T-T

Sasuke: Well…

Naruto: Why? T-T You betrayed me!

Sasuke: It wouldn't be the first time.

Naruto: I thought the couples counseling fixed that!

Sasuke: Like you never did anything like that!

Naruto: It was only with Shikamaru! And Neji! And Shino! And Ino! And Sakura! And-

Sasuke: And you thought I was bad. Don't you hate Neji?

Naruto: We didn't. Now you know why we hate each other.

Sasuke: Ah! Mental Images!

Naruto: So? It can't be worse than the images of you and Sai!

Sasuke: How'd you know about that?

Naruto: I didn't! I just guessed and you admitted it!

Sasuke: Why is everyone using me today!

Naruto: Don't complain! You know you like it!

Sasuke: *sob* No I don't!

Naruto: Awww, c'mon Sasuke, don't cry! Please?

Sasuke: *Sob* I've never cried before, I can cry *sob* as much as I want today!

Naruto: *hug* …Do you feel better now?

Sasuke: I really don't want a hug from you until you put some clothes on.

Naruto: Fine, I'll put some clothes on. Where are my pants? *looks around*

Sasuke: *tosses pants* Here.

Naruto: *puts pants on* Happy now?

Sasuke: Yes. Now tell me how I got here.

Naruto: … I don't actually know.

Sasuke: This is your house. You should know!

Naruto: I should, but I don't. I don't know a lot of things I should.

Sasuke: That's why you're usually the uke.

Naruto: Hey! At least I'm not a natural uke! Really, I mean, your parents knew from the very beginning! There's no coming out of the closet to them!

Sasuke: And you're not a natural blonde!

Naruto: So what? Your hair isn't a natural color either!

Sasuke: Yes, it is!

Naruto: Then what color is it? Is it blue? Black? Purple? What the hell is it?

Sasuke: It's blackish-blue. I think. I can't really tell.

Naruto: God, Masashi Kishimoto, Make up your mind!

Sasuke: Stop making fun of my hair!

Naruto: *bites Sasuke's head* haha now your hair has saliva in it!

Sasuke: Ewww! Get it out! Get it out! GET IT OUT!

**Please review! Review =happiness=mood for typing this crap! I'll post on the 1****st**** next month if I still have no reviews. If I get one, I might post a day sooner… *hint hint nudge nudge***


	3. Beer, Fish Tanks, and Kiba's a DADDY?

**I'm baaack! You know you missed me. Yeah, you do. I'm sorry I was late. But I'll try to make it up to y'all with 2 chappies. Yeah, you know you love me. I don't own anything…yet. Now read on. My minions!**

Gaara: *is drunk* Why is my life on a downward spiral into the darkest pits of eternity?

Lee: I thought you got happier when you were drunk. This is the first time it's made you depressed.

Gaara: My soul is being sucked dry of all emotion and feeling.

Lee: Whatever. I'm going to call Kiba and tell him to come over. I'll wait until he gets here, and then I'm leaving. This place is too depressing.

Gaara: Just leave so I can purge my soul of all light and summon the gods of death.

Kiba: *arrives*

Lee: Have fun with that. *leaves*

Gaara: Mr. Fuzzykins! Mama and I missed you so much! Why did you leave us? Am I going to have a new Aunt for the night?

Kiba: *kicks Gaara* You're worse than Lee described. How much did you drink?

Gaara: I melted the empty cans and made a mini-castle out of them! *points to a 4-foot tall metal castle, with figures*

Kiba: I asked how much you drank. Not what you did with the cans.

Gaara: Sleepy time! *grabs Kiba's foot and sleeps on it*

Kiba: *throws off Gaara* Gaara! *kicks Gaara* You are not going to fall asleep on me! Get your lazy ass off the ground!

Gaara: Dou…do you hate me? *starts crying* He hates me! Daddy doesn't love me anymore!

Kiba: *growls* I said to get up. Now get up and stop crying!  
>Gaara: I don't wanna!<p>

Kiba: Why not?

Gaara: Go away, poopie-head!

Kiba: Grow up!

Gaara: Why?

Kiba: You're fifteen. *picks Gaara up by his shirt* You need to stop acting like a baby. *Kiba dangles Gaara in the air by the back of his shirt*

Gaara: *dangles* Why?

Kiba: *sighs* Because I'm your *pauses* father and I said so.

Gaara: Okay ^.^

Kiba: *sets Gaara down* Good. Now give me one of your beers.

Gaara: *tries to get up and find them* *falls over* …Ow.

Kiba: I need to sober you up. Just a bit. *walks to kitchen* *comes back with bucket of ice water*

Gaara: What are you gonna do with that?

Kiba: *dumps water on Gaara* Do you feel any better?

Gaara: Ahh! I'm melting! Meeeeltiiinng!

Kiba: You're not melting. Humans don't melt in ice water. And even though I doubted it at first, I know you're human.

Gaara: But it's cold!

Kiba: Then you should be freezing, not melting. *slaps forehead* I shouldn't have said that.

Gaara: I'm not freezing, nor melting, because sand has a much lower freezing temperature and higher melting point that could be reached by any bucket of water, frozen or not. In actuality, I am dissolving, particles of my physical shell breaking free of the collective, loosing myself amidst the vast emptiness of the world's oceans. **(A/N-holy crap, try saying that 5 times fast!)**

Kiba: That's it! No more Bill Nye the Science Guy for you!

Gaara: Nooooo! Not the Science Guy! Whyyyyyyy?

Kiba: Stop being a smartass and you can watch it again.

Gaara: Okay! Hey, I found the beer!

Kiba: Where did you find-never mind. Just give me one.

Gaara: Here. *throws can* *can lands in fish tank*

Kiba: *Pulls out beer* Why do you have an empty fish tank?

Gaara: Shukaku's container gourd thing gets really heavy sometimes. I have to put him somewhere else. And it's fun to play in the sand.

Kiba: *finishes fifth beer* Good enough for me.

Gaara: How'd you drink that so fast?

Kiba: *finishes tenth* I'm amazing like that.

Gaara: No! How dare you finish the Jyuudaime **(A/N-bonus points if you know where that's from)**! I'll kill you! *tries punching Kiba-and fails*

Kiba: How many beers did you drink before I got here?

Gaara: A few…

Kiba: How many is a few?

Gaara: I don't know. More than 7.

Kiba: This is going to be easy.

Gaara: What's going to be easy?

Kiba: Follow me to your room. I have to show you some things.

Gaara: Show me what?

Kiba: Something of mine.

Gaara: Okay!

*Later*

Lee: What the hell?

**Please review, even if it's just 'update NOW bitch'. Hell, even if you flame, I'll still answer you. Someone felt enough about this to comment, I'm not gonna argue! Go on, you wanna hit the button, just do it already! Or I'll sic a drunk Gaara on you…**


	4. Relationships, Tongues, & selfinsertion

**Are you ppl happy? You got a double update. From me. I never do things like this..so read on, my minions. Also, the self insertion wasn't my idea, but it explains how this scene happens. I just went with it. Don't worry, we won't be major characters, we'll just push the plot along. **_**(Gaara: this thing has a plot? Since when? Me: It's always had a plot. To get the chosen characters of Naruto to sleep together. Duh. Limes are fun.)**_** I don't want to put our real names, and since we share the same first name, we just chose random letters. I'll give out a prize of…something to whomever first guesses who is me (or my friend, whichever you guess). I own NOTHING!**

Lee: I am so sick of Gaara!

Naruto: Oh, why?

Lee: He was sleeping with that asshole, Kiba!

Naruto: Really? I heard he was sleeping with Sasuke, that two-timing bastard!

Lee: I heard Sasuke slept with Sai.

Naruto: And I heard you were sleeping with Hinata.

Lee: And you slept with Neji and everyone else Sasuke slept with.

Naruto: Hey! I didn't sleep with Itachi!

Lee: Wow, one less. That makes it so much better.

Naruto: Yes. Yes it does.

Lee: But you still slept with other people. More than once. I only slept with Hinata.

Naruto: *cough* ten times *cough*

Lee: But it was still only one person!

Naruto: I was unfaithful 6 times! 6! Against your 10, I'm a perfect angel!  
>Lee: You slept with those people more than once.<p>

Naruto: Not all of them…

Lee: I bet it adds up to more than 10.

Naruto: And how would you know, Mr. no-sex-rule?

Lee: *eye twitch* I didn't want to sleep with Gaara and Hinata at the same time!

Naruto: And why would that be? Because you'd be in the middle?

Lee: *eye twitch* Shut up! You have no business in my sex life!

Naruto: So it is true. You are Gaara's bitch.

Lee: I never said that! It's not true!

Naruto: Oh really? Then why is it you're always limping instead of Gaara?

Lee: So what if I'm the uke? You are too!

Naruto: Not as often as you are,

Lee: How many times was Sasuke the uke? After all, it is in his name.

Naruto: I'd day around a quarter of the time. He's more possessive than you think.

Lee: You've only slept with him four times?

Naruto: No, every 4 times we get it on, he's the uke once. You have a very skewed sense of our libido.

Lee: And how often is he the uke after he comes back from screwing someone else?

Naruto: Never. He usually ukes before he leaves. Besides, I know he never really feels anything for tham. Especially after Orochimaru tongue-raped him.

Lee: And you tongue-raped him as soon as he got back.

Naruto: No! I was going to be first, but Orochimaru stole my idea!

Lee: *sweatdrop* I think we should change the subject.

Naruto: What, getting uncomfortable are we? Don't tell me you haven't thought about it too!

Lee: *goes red* Maybe…

Naruto: Stay away from my boyfriend, you whorish bitch!

Lee: Give me one reason I'm a bitch.

Naruto: Gaara.

Lee: One more.

Naruto: Sakura.

Lee: How did you know about that?

Naruto: Dude. Everyone knows.

Lee: Gaara doesn't. I know how to keep my affairs away from my boyfriend.

Naruto: Good for you. Care to share your secret?

Lee: I'd rather not.

Naruto: Damn.

Lee: That's all you have for a response?

Naruto: Yes. Don't insult my witty response!

Lee: Witty?

Naruto: Yes. Shut up.

Lee: Your insults sound like- OMG YOU SCREWED GAARA!

Naruto: Really? You only just realized this now?

Lee: WHY?

Naruto: Red-heads are hot.

Lee: I should kill you right now.

Naruto: Go ahead and try broccoli-boy.

Lee: Actually blondie, I'd rather not waste my energy killing you. I have to kill Kiba first.

Naruto: Why you! A wimp like you couldn't beat a tin can in a fight, let alone a top ninja like me!

Lee: A top ninja?

Naruto: *punches Lee*

Lee: *covers nose* Ow. It seems like someone's getting mad.

Naruto: Put your purse away! This is a no-weapons fight!

Lee: I think your worse with insults than Gaara is.

Naruto: And your more girly *coughgaycough* than Sakura!

Lee: Let's see if you're squeamish like Gaara. *wipes noseblood on Naruto's face*

Naruto: Ewww! You gave me AIDS, you bastard!

Lee: I'm pretty sure that I wasn't the one who gave you AIDS.

Naruto: You gave me AIDS! I can feel it spreading! You killed me! You can't kill anyone, wimp!

Lee: How did I kill you if I can't kill anyone?

Naruto: You can't! The writers won't allow it!

B: Or will we?

F: No, he hasn't slept with Lee yet. We have to make the fangirls happy.

B: Why did you say that? Now they know what we're going to do!  
>F: Don't worry. They still don't know who's gonna have the baby!<p>

Lee: Baby? O.o

Naruto: Lol, you're gonna have a baby!

F: That's what you think…

Lee: Naruto has to have the baby! Wait. Is it our baby?

B: We've told you enough *gone*

Naruto: Lee, I'm scared.

Naruto and Lee: *hug each other in fright*

F: You should be. *poof*

Lee: Naruto, I can't move.

Naruto: Let go of me, creeper! *pushes Lee*

Lee: I can't move, idiot. Therefore, I can't let you go.

Naruto: MMMF! MM cmmt mmmpn mthmm. (I can't open my mouth)

Lee: What does your mouth have to do with anything?

Naruto: Mmmtnk (everything)

Lee: If your mouth is closed, you can't say no. Why did I say that?

Naruto: mm tm hmmll? (what the hell?)

Lee: *Randomly starts making out with Naruto*

**WOOT yeah, I guess I forgot to mention, whenever the ~~~ appear, that means…unmentionable stuff happens. *uses mind control* Now, review. Then put this story on alert. And check out mah other stories. Theys be funny.**


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